THE TREE OF DEATH !

Giant Stinging Tree

Australians have a reputation of being fun and friendly folks. However, let's be honest: If you actually go to Australia, the country itself will try its best to kill you. Australia is so dangerous that even the supercontinent Gondwana pushed it away many millions of years ago, and then even barren Antarctica severed all ties. This, by the way, is one of the [non-scientific] reasons why Australia is an island continent. If there is an animal, mineral, or vegetable in existence, you can be sure that its most deadly variant or species resides in Australia, and is just lying in wait for your arrival to strike you dead on the spot.

Platypus Poisonous Spur

I was going to provide a detailed list of all the ways you could be killed by the various Australian wildlife -- Saltwater Crocodile (it will even hunt you down in the ocean); Taipan Snake (world's most lethal venom); Blue-Ringed Octopus (size of a golfball, with enough poison to kill 3.25 humans per tentacle); Irukandji Jellyfish (world's smallest jellyfish, so you won't even see it coming before you die from it); Stonefish (world's most lethal fish); Sydney Funnel-Web Spider (fangs larger than many snakes); and so on. In fact, even its most cuddly animals will strike at you when you least expect it. For instance, when you pick up a cute male Platypus to say in a high voice "Who's a good boy?" -- it will immediately strike you with its venomous spurs you didn't know about. The poison probably won't kill you, but it will cause Oedema and Hyperalgesia (ask your doctor for explanations), both of which will convince you that the Platypus is actually NOT a "good boy" at all.

 

Despite all these interesting ways to experience an excruciating death, I would instead like to tell you about another way that you never heard about -- the Tree of Death! That's my made-up name for an actual living thing, and I added an exclamation mark for gravitas.

Giant Stinging Tree (Dendrocnide excelsa) 

The Giant Stinging Tree (or Gympie-Gympie in the native language) can grow to 40 meters (131 ft.) in height and 6 meters (20 ft.) wide at its base. It has fine hair-like structures on its leaves and stems (and trunk?) that deliver neurotoxin venom previously found only in certain spiders and cone snails. While the stings might not kill a human, they have been known to cause the death of dogs and horses who had simply brushed against the tree. Even if death does not occur, the pain has been known to last for months and is impervious to painkiller medications. Scientists do not yet fully understand the venom.

Stinging Tree Closeup

Stinging Bush (Dendrocnide moroides)

Stinging Leaf

But wait; there's more! While the stinging tree is quite dangerous, there is a related species that's even worse -- the Stinging Bush. I think Bush of Death would be more catchy, but the Aussies apparently go for simplicity when naming things (for instance, the Blue-Ringed Octopus is an octopus with blue rings on it). The bush version  of the tree also has hair-like structures that resemble hypodermic needles. Not only can they sting you when you brush against them, but the bush also releases its needles -- I mean stingy stuff -- into the air. So, you could actually have them land on you when you're not even near the plant, or even breathe them in. And samples of the leaves have been found to be toxic decades after being gathered. In other words, even the dead plants and their dead leaves remain deadly.

So, while I'd recommend the Aussie beer, beaches, and sports, you might want to ensure that your life insurance policies are up to date, and that you bring some heavy gloves, helmets, and morphine to make the visit more enjoyable.

Stinging "Needles" Closeup